This would also be a non-event as it would one of those days I realize that I really don't use it anymore.

My "But thens" wouldn't start and end with meeting the love fungus of my life - I am ever so thankful of Pat and his wonderful everyday little love nothings. I do not think that I have ever been pushed to the limits of loving somebody this fucking much but this "but thens" are dedicated to my friends who are here EVERYDAY - those who brings me back to reality when I'm floating in my cloud.

Had things happened differently I WOULD NOT HAVE MET:


TINA FLOR: who is the primordial cause of my undoing as an ordinary human being. She is such a wonderful firecracker that her inability to consume any type of alcohol is a non issue as her mere presence will serve your vices futile as she will push you out of your comfort zone to try and say things in the servitude of her excitement and hilarity. She is the most wonderful bully I have ever met in my entire life.

LIZBETH BATIN: my un-quiet roommate - who is such a lovely blessing that we somehow unknowingly saved each other's lives here. I feel we came to each other's lives at the perfect time - we each needed roommates as we were about to restart our lives- with seemingly fresh new jobs and relationships. She has probably seen me in my worst, best and mushiest. Living with her is like going home with a fresh feast on the table when you're absolutely dying of hunger.

The icing on the cake is maybe that we both wear the same shoe and dress size. So in our fabulous quest to attack life like it has never been attacked before - we also carry twice the wardrobe.

TAKE THAT.

FRITZ QUERO: the quing (KING/QUEEN) of dramatics himself whom I love to incessantly harass. He has come to the conclusion that I seem to respond happily towards his outward disgust towards some of the things that I do to him when I'm bored.

Me: Fritz, touch my boobs.

Fritz: Yuck, no shut up.

Me: (Giggles) You want me. (moan moan)

Fritz is my infectious French speaking fancy. He is probably my equivalent of the streets of New York - he cheers me up on a bad day - even when he's in a bad mood. He is a walking contradiction of anxiety and merriment. He is probably my favorite person to dream catch with. We have our lives planned out in every respect and are struggling fabulously to make it all come true.

RUDI: My lovely lovely lovely Aquarian friend whom I'm in constant battle with. I cannot express enough how much I love and hate this guy. I am probably 80% guilty of making his life hell at times when I don't get what I want - but he somehow makes everything better. He is so LOVELY that he is the only guy I have no problem pimping my friends to. He has a quiet charisma as to which, his little blunt attitude can make you want to either give him a big hug or a hard punch in the gut.

He is my handsome plant I keep for everyone to see and appreciate. He is twice as tall as me but I will beat the sh^*t out of anyone who hurts this little (tall) man child.

SHIHAN: If I had a perception of what the perfect Filipino boyfriend would look like it would probably be a picture of Shi clad in his real estate "uniform" pouting problematically at a piece of document his eyes scanning it in confusion. I absolutely love the very few moments that I get to talk to him alone - and not just because he is so gwapo but because he always has this out of the world eyebrow raising opinions - he has this way of not arguing with you when he thinks you're wrong but quietly pointing out some things that will make you AGREE with him which will eventually lead you to dispute your own point.

ANDREW : Smile nga, Andrew. Ang pogi pogi naman. This guy brings out my maternal instinct. My little gwapo pseudo celebrity friend. I have only known this guy for a few months and I've already had at least a dozen "heart to heart" talks with him - which just goes to show how it's so easy to get to know and love this guy. I sit in quiet frustration as I see how much potential this 22 year old carries under his belt - he has the ultimate capability to make it BIG without qualms of physical hardship - I don't think he realizes that he can earn around 6 figures before the age of 24. The world is your oyster little boy - take advantage!

So what is this for???

Well, they are my ultimate "but thens". They are the sole reason that's keeping me sane enough to believe that I did not make the "mistakes" I thought I made. They are the reason why I'm still here in LA despite the traffic and the hollywoody hollywood attitude of the people around.

We are freakin' fellow life warriors - it has been good and bad and insanely wonderful.

mades [ 11:46 PM ] 0 happy lost cabbages

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I wrote this last April - (after I joined the momentary lapse of judgment club) - decided not to post it and save it for later.

So later is now.

Ladies and Gents - the Anger of 2006.

There are few things in this world that fuck me up like crazy. Sorry for the vulgar choice of words, but that's exactly how fresh my mind is right now. Lostly fresh and seething in a weird non-decadent way.

If you're going to pretend that nothing happened .... that's fine. Absolutely. In a way, it's kind of relieving. There'll be few things to worry about and it's nice that I can talk normally without worrying about whether the situation's awkward or not. No one's ready for whatever's the next step anyway. And I rather NOT deal with it. Not when I'm busy with my job, finding another one and fixing my papers. Not when everything in my life is up in the air and there is hope that I might lose my lovely situational professional settlement bliss. Not when my family is here and I'm busy booking tickets, playing hostess and bridging the cultural gap and paying my own bills.

I just can't deal with the fuckin' drama or whatever's created or you're trying to create. So please. Let's just forget what happened. Call it a weird momentary lapse of judgment and move on with our lives and remain new friends. Coz dude, you were better that way. I'm not saying you're expecting something to happen... let's just throw the 'who rejected who' - 'who's fucked up' saga down the drain because nothing was really talked about anyway. Let the immaturity that stemmed from our actions evaporate and escalate into a mature ending.

I don't care if you get down with people in front of me. (Dude, whatever, it's just dancing, but even if it's not. I don't really care) I don't care if you act real stupid and be drunk off your ass and keep buying round o shots. (I'll still drink them)

But hell.

No profanities.

Don't care if you're drunk. Do not fuckin' say 'I get around'.... no one cares if you're a man hoar.

Again, I'm not saying that you are.

No nasty ego trips. Are you upset with something? Coz I don't have time to decipher your weird ways.

So something happened- fuck it. Stop it. Let it be forgotten.

mades [ 5:36 PM ] 0 happy lost cabbages

Friday, May 18, 2007

my life is suddenly in lack of problems and drama. just initial stress of tiring my body out --- utilizing it as much as i can use it.

so i can't complain about

too much homework/school - coz there's barely work and i'm ridiculously learning so much.

too much work - coz i'm saving the world and loving it.

my visa situation - coz everything is basically within my reach.

finding the right guy - coz he's stressed out over the top wonderful in every cheesy way imaginable.

my life is suddenly so boring.

I LOVE IT.

mades [ 5:53 PM ] 0 happy lost cabbages

Monday, May 07, 2007

It's 93 degrees F outside. I'm about to chill by the pool at a friend's friend's place.

Laid down the beach both Saturday and Sunday in hot, non-humid weather. Went to the Viper Room and saw David Spade in the flesh.

I maybe taller than him in heels.

I didn't take a picture of him.... I maybe the only jologs girl in my UCLA-er friends. But I did meet a guy named Tracy. He may not be David Spade but he sounds a lot like Will Ferrell.



And on top of that ---this.....

m- Good morning gorgeous sexy! I hope you're back to your natural hotness. Either way, you know I love you right?

p- I made it to work. ;-) Don't know for how long.. my body's still :-( i love you baby :-X

m- Awww. Do a half day if your body is still weak. Tell Tom you gotta take time off to bring sexy back ;-)

p- :-D that is why i love you

WOW.

such cheeseballs.

mades [ 1:44 PM ] 0 happy lost cabbages

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Oh god.

I dreamt I was pregnant.



SO not ready for this.

No more grande caramel soy lattes after 6 pm.

mades [ 10:32 AM ] 1 happy lost cabbages

AY NAKO!


It's been such a long time since I've written something of actual substance. You know you sometimes get scared that life has become too simple and you've somehow forgotten to delve within deep thoughts that will essentially make you......

what?

smarter? deeper? I sometimes forget what I want out of these ramblings. Right now, my head is throbbing. I've just consumed half a grande of caramel latte and the back of my head is somewhat numb. I don't know if my brain is still working but these words should suffice evidence that maybe..... the gray mass inside my head is still functioning.

Oh god, I really need a daily routine which ends within two weeks of monetary payment before boredom consumes me. Shower me with responsibilities I crave oh please.

At this point in time... it seems I've been EVERYWHERE but still want to go places. Since 2003 alone, I've lived through breaking the baseball bambino curse in beantown Boston, vampiring nightlife in the advertising arena of Manhattan and cheesing white fences in New Jersey. I am now currently beaching it out in Los Angeles.

But shet noh. I still WANT:

Greece, Amsterdam, Jamaica, Italy, England!!!!

Surround me with accents please!

I'm in this part of life where I want to speed everything up. Could someone please teach me patience please. Please please please. Or grant me some kind of miracle.

I want EVERYTHING.

NOW please.

I've decided that God might be that kind of God that lets happiness come in installments. It's like financing a car.

You're either finding to complete three things in your 20's. it's shallow, sad but sometimes seemingly true. Find the perfect apartment, the perfect job and the perfect someone/perfect singledom life. You somehow always get two out of three or one out of three.

Pota. I want it ALL now please.

I dunno why I'm in such a selfish mood.

The only thing I want to be worrying about is that I don't have time to do everything I want to do.

Then I can worry about saving the world.

mades [ 1:26 AM ] 1 happy lost cabbages