Sigh...

gotta love it.

non-permanence

Saturday, September 29, 2007

At times when I feel I have that urge to complain of my life's uncertainty - I look at things around me and go through this blog. Who knew, within four years that I have lived here- I have somehow managed to hop and live in four states, nest in five addresses and have 4 identity cards from 3 different states.

I feel like the classy educated version of a convicted felon. The kind who gets conned into hacking the government's treasury chest but don't get her share of the mil.

This is that part of my life when I browse through my shoulda woulda couldas while bracing myself to the unknown inevitable.

a.) IF I would have taken that marketing boutique midtown job instead of the big agency downtown job in Manhattan - I would have been earning around $60-$80k now at 25 years old - with my H1B just about to expire and just waiting for my EAC to finish being processed.

Plus I would have learned a great deal about Online Guerilla Marketing. (My mind is squinting for the image of the two executives who interviewed me and offered me $40k for my first job...... if one of these guys happen to be Mark Levinson - the demi god of the best sellers I'm mentoring my career towards at the moment I think I'm going to need more than finding the love of my life and great friends as compensation for this pseudo mistake)

Which drives me to my next point.

IF this had happened, one or more things will definitely be different in my life right now.

a.) The career I so long for NOW, would already have been MINE.

b.) I would still be gallavanting the streets of Manhattan in everyday what ifs with occassional trips to DC to visit my cousin Beisa

c.) And plotting the throws of my next victim through my next night out.

Do you see this? I would literally be living the life of the archetypal Sex and the City character - successfully single with the perfect apartment and the perfect career with no qualms of monetary hardship. I will PROUDLY shoot a video image of myself cutting myself loose from my parents with my dad's American Express in several snippets of bye bye.

This would also be a non-event as it would one of those days I realize that I really don't use it anymore.

My "But thens" wouldn't start and end with meeting the love fungus of my life - I am ever so thankful of Pat and his wonderful everyday little love nothings. I do not think that I have ever been pushed to the limits of loving somebody this fucking much but this "but thens" are dedicated to my friends who are here EVERYDAY - those who brings me back to reality when I'm floating in my cloud.

Had things happened differently I WOULD NOT HAVE MET:

TINA FLOR: who is the primordial cause of my undoing as an ordinary human being. She is such a wonderful firecracker that her inability to consume any type of alcohol is a non issue as her mere presence will serve your vices futile as she will push you out of your comfort zone to try and say things in the servitude of her excitement and hilarity. She is the most wonderful bully I have ever met in my entire life.

LIZBETH BATIN: my un-quiet roommate - who is such a lovely blessing that we somehow unknowingly saved each other's lives here. I feel we came to each other's lives at the perfect time - we each needed roommates as we were about to restart our lives- with seemingly fresh new jobs and relationships. She has probably seen me in my worst, best and mushiest. Living with her is like going home with a fresh feast on the table when you're absolutely dying of hunger.

The icing on the cake is maybe that we both wear the same shoe and dress size. So in our fabulous quest to attack life like it has never been attacked before - we also carry twice the wardrobe.

TAKE THAT.

FRITZ QUERO: the quing (KING/QUEEN) of dramatics himself whom I love to incessantly harass. He has come to the conclusion that I seem to respond happily towards his outward disgust towards some of the things that I do to him when I'm bored.

Me: Fritz, touch my boobs.

Fritz: Yuck, no shut up.

Me: (Giggles) You want me. (moan moan)

Fritz is my infectious French speaking fancy. He is probably my equivalent of the streets of New York - he cheers me up on a bad day - even when he's in a bad mood. He is a walking contradiction of anxiety and merriment. He is probably my favorite person to dream catch with. We have our lives planned out in every respect and are struggling fabulously to make it all come true.

RUDI: My lovely lovely lovely Aquarian friend whom I'm in constant battle with. I cannot express enough how much I love and hate this guy. I am probably 80% guilty of making his life hell at times when I don't get what I want - but he somehow makes everything better. He is so LOVELY that he is the only guy I have no problem pimping my friends to. He has a quiet charisma as to which, his little blunt attitude can make you want to either give him a big hug or a hard punch in the gut.

He is my handsome plant I keep for everyone to see and appreciate. He is twice as tall as me but I will beat the sh^*t out of anyone who hurts this little (tall) man child.

SHIHAN: If I had a perception of what the perfect Filipino boyfriend would look like it would probably be a picture of Shi clad in his real estate "uniform" pouting problematically at a piece of document his eyes scanning it in confusion. I absolutely love the very few moments that I get to talk to him alone - and not just because he is so gwapo but because he always has this out of the world eyebrow raising opinions - he has this way of not arguing with you when he thinks you're wrong but quietly pointing out some things that will make you AGREE with him which will eventually lead you to dispute your own point.

ANDREW : Smile nga, Andrew. Ang pogi pogi naman. This guy brings out my maternal instinct. My little gwapo pseudo celebrity friend. I have only known this guy for a few months and I've already had at least a dozen "heart to heart" talks with him - which just goes to show how it's so easy to get to know and love this guy. I sit in quiet frustration as I see how much potential this 22 year old carries under his belt - he has the ultimate capability to make it BIG without qualms of physical hardship - I don't think he realizes that he can earn around 6 figures before the age of 24. The world is your oyster little boy - take advantage!

So what is this for???

Well, they are my ultimate "but thens". They are the sole reason that's keeping me sane enough to believe that I did not make the "mistakes" I thought I made. They are the reason why I'm still here in LA despite the traffic and the hollywoody hollywood attitude of the people around.

We are freakin' fellow life warriors - it has been good and bad and insanely wonderful.

mades [ 11:46 PM ] 0 happy lost cabbages