Sigh...

gotta love it.

non-permanence

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

I live accross the park.. where the ducks say hello to the trees and the squirrels gossip about how the grass is too green. Who knew I'd end up with this life? Even the street signals seem to know when I need to rest from walking. I feel like I'm being courted by the heavens.

School is a celestial experience. The library is shaped like a gray garden with doors.. but instead of dandelions there are books. Everytime I go there I always feel my tongue go dry, even if I just came from a literal storm. You're always, always, always expecting something to happen. There's always something special about a place with so many people who manage to keep their silence. Simply one of the places one can easily build a fantasy.

I've been going to the library twice a week now. I would always see this guy whom I'd always wave to, say hi and then go separate ways. I often wonder why he keeps coming back there.. as loyal as a scholar keeps earning A's. I always smile after our fleeting encounter. Wistful that maybe there's a story behind it. Like he's going there because he wanted that wave. That maybe the hi was more than a hi. Like even if it wasn't me, that there's a secret rendevous behind his weekly attendance. Just like printing my paper in the library printer had an added agenda.

The story is perfect as it is. I always hurry and leave whenever I feel his nerve to strike a conversation beyond hello. It's strange. I do not have the slightest interest of getting to know him beyond the twice-a-week greetings. Maybe because I feel I've already met him. Actually getting to know him would ruin my perfect story. There were close calls. Almost conversations saved by sudden emergencies. Perfectly staged by yours truly. I always fancied myself an actress. Heck, I always fancied myself as everything conceivable!

I do not have a problem. Truly! There are just things that I want to keep perfect. Without qualms. He may meet someone else eventually. But I'd always remain as "the girl in the library" rainbowed by what if's.

ALWAYS PLAY WITH THEIR MINDS.

The possibilities are endless.

Perfect.

mades [ 11:21 PM ] 2 happy lost cabbages