Sigh...

gotta love it.

non-permanence

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I don't think I have the capability to change the way I want to change. It's been almost 22 years and I still can't figure it out.

I remember that day in the middle of high school when I realized I didn't need to care about the majority's opinion. It was one of those defining revelations. Like the first time our maid revealed the true nature of sex when I was 11. I could literally see myself blink and feel the realization sink in. You know when it happens when you say what you're thinking out loud.

"Ohh.. so THAT'S why." or "Why do I care so much when I don't need to?"

Sometimes, I really need to remind myself of how simple it is. I just needed to remember. Values matter. I think I seem to be going back in terms of keeping it. It's not a matter of going to church and acting like a renowned saint. The truth sinks its teeth on you during unexpected moments. You don't need to conform to your surroundings accordingly to survive. If anything, it's totally okay for them to conform to yours.

Sometimes, it's so easy to get away with things that you just do it regardless of the consequences. People tell you it's okay, since most of the people do it anyway. But who would want to be in that situation anyway? Most people commit all sorts of inhibitions. I'm not sure I'd follow their lead just because I know won't get caught. I'm not sure I'd follow their lead just because most people do it anyway. I sound like an after school teenage soap opera but I don't care. It just baffles me how I forget when it's all so simple.

So, in honor of the growing cycle of life controlled by the higher up. I came to realize that I don't really need to make new resolutions. I just have to remember my values and follow them. Love begets love as karma begets karma.

1. I realized that I am afraid to die. So I'd be taking care of my liver this year. Less drinks!

2. I realized that I need to think more before I speak. God. You'd think it was so simple. I'd been trying to do this for years and I'm still so tactless.

3. Give more compliments. People love them. I know I do!

4. Laugh. Even if I do a lot of these the past year it's always healthier to do a lil more.

5. Get a coloring book. Art is always a good stress reliever.

6. Email family more often. Send out cards. Snail mail is always a happy surprise.

7. Take healthy risks. (Conquests are never healthy)

8. Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got. (I forgot who wrote this)

9. And most of all....

Don't disappoint. The only opinion one should care about is that of whom she/he loves.

mades [ 2:57 PM ] 3 happy lost cabbages