Sigh...

gotta love it.

non-permanence

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Someone pulled the friggin' alarm. The only thing that keeps me from cursing to hell and high water is the fact that it's Black Saturday and this is the only sacrifice I can offer God in payment for not having gone to church as long as I can remember. No matter how many rules I bend, I will always be Catholic.

Okay. So someone pulls the alarm. The loudest, most annoying buzzing noise plagues the ENTIRE building.... I'm in my trusty Mark's night gown with the bears...no socks. I yank jeans out of the friggin closet, get my friggin slippers and head down with the rest in the cold... 1:00 in the morning!!! The firetruck came in late (they always are) and takes about 10 minutes to check the ENTIRE building. Cold. Lack of sleep. Cold. Curses.

In front of the computer at about 12:00, having bailed on going to the New Hampshire for a mini-concert... I figured this was God's way of sayin' "Girl, stop shopping and stop going out, it's friggin' Good Friday, my son died and I'd appreciate a lil mournin' here". The weirdest thing is that I actually stayed home Thursday night out of my own accord, absentmindedly following rules. See how it all works out?

The same thing goes by Friday. I go to DSW with the agenda of buying things for my mom... I didn't buy a single thing for me. NOT A SINGLE THING. I spent three hours shopping for the two perfect pair of shoes for my mom. I was supposed to buy socks for myself but bailed the last minute. My body, in its tired state couldn't go on, bailing new Hampshire, I realized an hour later that it was Good Friday.

It just felt eerie how it worked out. Absentmindedly following Catholic rules. Absentmindedly being home and feeling a sense of peace.

But then someone pulls the friggin alarm.

So now I'm thinking, was the invitation to New Hampshire, God's way of warning me to be out of the house so I wouldn't have to stand in the damn cold? Did my sudden decision of not leaving manage to defy the warning?

Somewhere in the high heavens, my soul somehow messed up the signs and someone's having the time of their life laughing how ironic it all turned out.

mades [ 2:30 AM ] 2 happy lost cabbages